Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Ending friendships

Once we reach a certain age, we gain and lose friends. You only need a small number of true, close friends and the rest are just decoration. Some friendships just run their course and fade away through no fault of either party. I accept this fact, part of life. What I am having trouble with is deciding when it is time to walk away from someone. When is enough enough? When do you stop putting up with not being treated the same way as you would treat others? I wonder, how does Laura Bush handle this?

Ending some relationships is easy, no brainer. Judgmental friends, who needs them? Oh you like to discuss the fact that I still drive a 14 year old car? Oh well watch me drive away from you in it. Oh you don’t respect my aspirations of being a writer? Well, screw you. Walking away from these people is easy. But what about when the friendship has survived thus far for a long time? How long is too long to wait for change?

I have been accused of being many things in my life, but being a bad friend is not one of them. I am fully aware that always putting others first has hurt me in the past, friendship-wise, but I am ok with that…until now. I always strive to see the good in people, but recent events have started me questioning if people deserve this from me. If you know that I am going through a hard time and bail on me, when is it Ok to forgive you? Legit reason, of course. But repeatedly disappointing me? Am I free to walk away? If I don’t hear from you for days, do I respond when I finally hear from you? What if what I hear from you is all about you, or worse, needing something from me? How do I know it’s time to say goodbye? And if I decide to walk away, do I get closure? Do I just cut you off or do I try to work it out?   

In Laura Bush’s life in the public eye, no doubt she had hangers-on and fake friends. Easily noticed, easily forgotten. But when there was no love for her husband as commander in chief and the news was negative, how did she know what friends to turn to and which ones to forget? Did she call that friend she was once so close to but hadn’t spoken to in a while or did she call that constant, always encouraging friend? I would like to think it was the second one. That friend she could break down to on a daily basis, let’s say every Thursday, and know that she was in the company of a great friendship. That no matter what was going on in her life, she made time for you. She heard you out. She hugged you. She made you know it was going to be Ok.

As I write this (yep, fully aware I need to change my policy of never proof reading my own work, I am trying), I am still cutting some of the negativity out of my life. Some people I just walked away from, good riddance. Others I am having trouble with. This is how I am handling those like Laura Bush would. First offense, it happens. Hell, I am far from perfect and have disappointed friends in the past. Second offense, well that depends on the severity of what you did. Something small with a valid, truthful reason…You remain on my Hallmark list. You completely screw me over, well sorry no Hallmark for you. Forgiveness? Well that depends on you. You make it up to me with actions, we are good to go. You make it worse, well goodbye. How is this Laura Bush you ask? It is LB because intelligent people know when to walk away. It is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of putting yourself first. Human beings don’t deserve to be hurt by anyone, especially friends.

Now for me this is easier said than done. I do not like confrontations, in fact it scares the hell out of me. I sometimes forgive solely because of that crippling fear. Also, according to more than one person in my life, my faith in people far outweighs my common sense. I want to believe them, so I do. From this day forward, however, it is all about What Would Laura Bush Do? If I think she would say enough, I will say enough. You want to treat me like an option, I will walk away like a choice. But being Laura Bush, I will walk away like a lady. I will not make a scene, I will not say anything mean, I will not make an ass out of either of us. I will simply turn and walk away with my head held high like classy people do. The only opinion of me that matters is my own. And well of course, Laura Bush’s.

Remember to always ask…What Would Laura Bush Do?  



  2. Great piece. Explains why I have so few friends.

    1. But the ones you have are awesome. Miss you!

  3. what would laura bush do? she would be your friend in a heartbeat! i'm proud of you kitty, for finally standing up for yourself. i'm more proud of being your friend!

  4. I think Laura Bush would absolutely agree! Congratulations on starting your blog - I cannot wait to read more.