Change

“Oh this is my kinda love, it’s the kind that moves on. It’s the kind that leaves me alone,” Crown of Thorns, Mother Love Bone

Do people ever really change? Not on the outside, but on the inside. Is it possible to be a different person? Of course outside appearance changes regardless, but what about the things that matter? Do people after a certain age have the ability to change how they feel or how they act? Can someone wake up one morning and not be an asshole, or is that aspect of their personality always going to be there?

No one can make you change but yourself, but is it worth it? Does it ever actually happen? Do you give someone the benefit of the doubt and wait and see if changes happen, or do you just nod when they talk about changes but know it won’t happen?

I think we can change but not entirely. If you know you shouldn’t behave in one way or another, you try to stop. Some people are successful, some are not. Just wanting to change isn’t enough, there must be solid proof of the changes. When do you stop listening to someone talk about changing and demand you see it in their actions. Actions do speak louder than words.

Age will make us change and relationships will end, but how hard should you work at changing and growing together? We all have faults, but some are easier to deal with than others. If there is someone in your life that talks a good game about changing, how long before you walk away? Change takes time, but how long should you wait? Do you pick a random time frame or do you just walk away and hope for the best?

The walking away is what I am trying to determine at this moment in my life. Some people are easy to know whether you want them around or not, it is how they make you feel. If someone makes you question everything and doesn’t make you feel good, good riddance. But when it comes to others, it is much more difficult. There are both good times and bad times, but in the end, so complicated. They tell you what you want to hear, but never follow up on it. How long should someone be required to be there before leaving? If you can no longer see any good in this person, do you try to see it again? Is all hope gone? Will they ever want to change and does it matter if they do? How much disappoint should one person be forced to endure before it just isn’t worth it anymore?

These questions can be asked about friends, families or relationships. Family ties you by blood but even that connection isn’t strong enough to make something worth it. Friends can be tied by memory, but when is it time to make new memories with new friends? Friends can have the ability to hurt you more than anyone. Relationships, well when do you know it isn’t meant to be? They are meant to be hard, but sometimes it is just too hard and not worth it? Are people ever meant to be together? When is it time to be the bigger person and just stop? I don’t know that I will ever truly know the answers, but I hope that I at least find some of the answers in this world.

Laura Bush is the definition of class and poise, but does she ever have these thoughts? I know she had to question people in her life and their intentions, public figures need to be leery, but what about personal relationships? When does she know that enough is enough? When does she stop giving people the benefit of the doubt and just walk away? I will never know how she handles such situations, but I believe she handles them with grace.

As I continue in this world and try to figure out what I am doing and where I am going, I am also figuring out who is worth keeping around and who is not. When it comes to determining which path to take with these people, I will weigh out all the options and simply ask, what would Laura Bush do?

Acts of kindness

“With a friend at hand you will see the light. If your friends are there then every thing’s all right,” Friends, Elton John

Sometimes the smallest acts of kindness can turn your day around. No matter how big or small, just doing something because you want to without obligation means the most. Now we all have those obligations that require us to buy a gift. You get an invitation for a birthday, retirement, anniversary party or a baby or bridal shower and essentially you are getting a bill. A bill to get a gift and attend a function. Of course you want to attend and celebrate, but there also is that assumption that you must get a gift. I love buying gifts and celebrating others, but it does get overwhelming sometimes. People can be assholes when it comes to whether or not you get a gift and what that gift may be. You are struggling right now, but you better have a gift! Not all people are like this, some expect nothing but your presence, but when it comes to a gift giving occasion, you can see the real person and the materialistic ways of the world come through. It is quite scary but sadly, the way this world is heading.

Those “obligations” are not what I am talking about here. I am talking about buying a gift or doing something nice, not because of a date on the calendar or a celebration. I am obsessed with sending Hallmark cards, sometimes for no reason other than because I am thinking of you, and it is always a treat when someone returns that act.

Now for two examples of what this rambling is getting at. Yesterday I was just taking a day to really do nothing. Having just run a half marathon the day before, I decided to just take a day and be lazy. I was feeling fine from the race, but who can’t use an easy day? As I was just sitting at my computer trying to write I received a text from a friend inviting me to dinner, her treat. It was just what I needed to get me moving that day. I got ready and headed out to meet her. Dinner was great but not as great as the company. While I talk to this friend often, we hadn’t really seen each other in a while so we had a lot to catch up on. She listened, I listened, and we tried to solve all the world’s problems while laughing a lot. This is a friend that this time last year I wasn’t anything more than a Facebook friend with and now I think of her as a trusted, loyal friend. She has a way of making me feel better no matter the circumstances. And it helps that she likes live music just as much as me!

The second example involves gifts just to make someone happy. My sister had told me last week she found something she just had to send me. Now my sister and I have this way of finding things for each other that no one else will understand, but we love. For instance, the Magnum PI shirt I bought her. He is the man. I had no idea what I was about to get. Well today it arrived and all I can say is, well done sister. It was yet another Full House gift to add to my collection. I opened it and just laughed. It was awesome. It turned my whole day around. Most notably, it helped me figure out what to write about today.

The smallest acts don’t have to involve money, sometimes time is all you need. Time to take a moment from your day and just send a text, a random pin or shouting it to the world on social media. Time to put someone else first. Time to make someone’s day. Time to just be there for another person. Now not all acts will get noticed or be appreciated, but that doesn’t mean you don’t do one. Who cares if you don’t get recognition? Who cares if they don’t return the sentiment? Small acts of kindness aren’t meant to be done for the world to know, they are meant to make someone else’s day. Just reaching one person and changing their day should be payment enough. It is true that just one act can turn someone’s day around. Just one time holding the door for someone, or giving a compliment, or just being nice, can make a difference.

I like to think that Laura Bush is the Queen of Small Acts of Kindness. Of all the times I have seen her or read about her, she is always kind. When someone talks down to her, she is kind. When stress gets to her, she is kind. And I am sure that she showers those in her life with gifts for no other reason but that she cares. And even if she wasn’t wealthy, I like to think she would still show those special to her how much they mean to her. So no matter how much I am going through, I am always going to think what would Laura Bush do and continue to show those around me what they mean to me. Of course this means that I may show someone who doesn’t treat me the same way kindness, but live and learn. It is those people that I must contemplate keeping in my life, but those who appreciate it, I will always shower with kindness. What would Laura Bush do?

The Power of Purple

This past weekend I had the honor of running the Nike Women’s Half Marathon in Washington, DC as part of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training. I have been fortunate to complete numerous half and full marathons since I started running, but this was my second one for TNT. TNT is the group that got me running, and while the feeling of crossing a marathon finish line is hard to put into words, the feeling of crossing it while wearing a purple TNT shirt knowing you raised money for a great cause just intensifies it.

The weekend was super emotional but reminded me why I put others first. It may not have gotten me anywhere in many people’s eyes, but it makes me feel like there is a reason I am here. I may be directionless, but as long as I am able to help people, I will keep on going.

I began running years ago after my best friend was diagnosed with Chronic Myleogenous Leukemia. I wasn’t able to fight her cancer for her, but I could run. Flashing back to my first marathon, I can only smile about how different I was then compared to now when I run. To read the full story of my best friend and why I decided to run another TNT race, click here.

The entire weekend was inspirational. It started with the drive to DC that resulted in me reaching my goal of 200,000 miles on my car. It took a long, long time to get there and I am super excited. Once my Team and I got to DC and checked into the hotel, it was off to the race expo to start our journey. It was crazy busy, but so awesome. Picking up our special TNT bibs and visiting the TNT booth to create signs, take photos, and honor our heroes was moving. I was there to run but I was also there in support of all those people that can’t run.

Later in the night was the Team in Training Inspirational Dinner and boy was it inspirational. As we walked into the banquet room, we walked through a group cheering us on and thanking us for our efforts, incredible feeling. I was a part of Team Delaware, but also part of a much larger team — the team united in the fight to end blood cancer. We loaded up on carbs, listened to guest speakers and got pumped for the race in the morning. The Delaware team truly is an amazing group of people.

Race morning I woke up early and got ready for the day. I put on my purple race shirt with Danny and Dom’s names, my purple and black tutu (oh yes), laced up my sneakers and headed on my way. We get to the start line, the horn blows and off we go.

It was a beautiful day for a race through the streets of DC. I was keeping a good pace and feeling good. There were rubs and aches but nothing I have not been through before. As I counted down the miles, I was rolling. Any problem I was experiencing, or about to experience, was wiped away with crowds of strangers cheering me on and thanking me for helping the Society. The funny signs, the volunteer at a water stop who loves the San Francisco Giants and cheered for me and my Giants hat, the survivors on the course, the yelling of my name, truly amazing experience.

As the temperature climbed and I began to slow down, I entered the last tunnel on the course. It was stuffy and hot, not ideal running conditions. As I started to fade, the music began to play and a coach from another chapter ran up to me. He asked how I was. We chatted and then he thanked me. That was all I needed to get back on pace. We high fived and off I went. I picked up speed and could see the finish line. I ran for Danny and Dom and I crossed the finish line. I looked down and damn if I didn’t set a PR. I may not be the fastest runner, but I lapped everyone on the couch that day. I received my Tiffany’s finisher necklace and met up with a fellow runner to head back to the hotel. My race for LLS was complete and I was proud.

I quickly showered, that hotel check out was soon, and got going. As I was waiting for a close friend, and lunch date, to pick me up I reflected on the day. No matter how bad my life may seem to me or others right now, I did something that not everyone else does, I put others first. It was tough to raise money, tough to get my training miles in, but there are better people worse off. There are people that would love to be out running on a beautiful day and can’t for a million different reasons. If I can run, I will run.

Of course what this has to do with Laura Bush should be quite obvious — she is one of the most giving people to ever walk this earth. She does amazing things for so many people and organizations. I don’t have her resources or power, but that doesn’t mean I can’t help others. There are very few selfless people on this planet but she is one of them. My quest to find happiness by putting myself first finally doesn’t mean I will neglect those that need me. I will always support great causes and people, that I hope never changes. What would Laura Bush do?

A big sister

“Many dreams come true and some have silver linings. I live for my dream and a pocketful of gold,” Over the Hills and Far Away, Led Zeppelin

There are few things in this world better than a sister, especially a big sister. Of course if you have a strained relationship with a sibling, then you are totally going to disagree. Again, that’s why they make chocolate and vanilla. I love my sister. And boy does she love getting the Led out!

On the outside, my sister and I are polar opposites. Aside from looking like each other, when you look at surface things we are totally different. She is kicking ass daily in the military, married and happy. Me on the other hand — lost, living the starving artist dream and basically a mess. She is the daughter the parents can brag about. Me, well not so much lately. That isn’t to say that my parents don’t love me, but they see me differently. No clear direction at the moment and nowhere close to making them happy by watching me walk down the aisle in a beautiful white gown (well maybe pink).

Our surface differences are clear, but damn if my sister isn’t my biggest fan. No matter what trivial thing I call her about, she is excited. Whatever crazy idea I have to get through, she supports. I have a race, she is singing my praises. I get published, she is proud. Someone hurts me, oh watch out! She is my constant in this crazy world.

Unfortunately I am east coast and she is west coast, but that doesn’t matter when the chips are down. The time difference makes talking difficult, but when we do talk it is like nothing changed. Last night I just needed to talk to her, I was having a bad day. I called her and she wasn’t available. I was sad, but it happens. She called back and the first thing we talk about is music. She wanted to apologize to me for changing the channel when a Pete Townshend solo song came on. I totally understand. To me there is him and then everyone else in the music world (well except for maybe any member of Pearl Jam), but even I change the station sometimes when it isn’t a The Who song. And this is our connection…music. Yes, we are connected through blood, history, etc. but when it comes to music, that is what brings us together.

No matter what is going on, we can talk about music. Our family loves music. Any Facebook friend can see that when the majority of posts between me, my sister and three brothers are music related. The family is quite divided on the brilliance that is Roxette. Recently when my sister was deployed to Afghanistan, we would have music debates via email. It was a way for her to forget where she was, and me to forget how much I missed her.

Like any sibling relationship, there are ups and downs. We didn’t always get along, and still don’t agree with each other on everything. We have vastly different takes on Eddie Vedder, arguments a many over him and his music. There are times we both annoy the crap out of each other, that will always happen, and times we are upset with each other. Outside factors and people will get in the way, but we always have that sisterly bond to bring us back. I understand that there are now others in her life that come before me and will prevent the closeness we once had, but when I need her, she is there. Whether it’s a funny text, a random gift, or just a phone call, she finds me.

Laura Bush was an only child but she married into a family with siblings aplenty. George and Laura had two twin daughters and to me it seems that they have the closeness I share with my sister. I would like the think that Laura supported this closeness. I am sure her daughters have their differences, but being raised with a mom who amazes me daily, I am sure they work through it and are always there for the other when needed. When I don’t talk to my sister for a while for whatever reason, I think how would Laura handle it? Would she get angry? Would she be bitter? Nope, she would know that when she really needed someone, they would be there. I support my sister in everything and she does the same for me. I love you big sister. What would Laura Bush do?

The power of money

“Listen up everybody if you wanna take a chance. Just get on the floor and do the New Kids dance,” Hanging Tough, New Kids on the Block

Apparently it is New Kids on the Block Day, so what better group to quote a lyric from today. Sometimes you just need some great boy band music to start your day.  

This morning I received a call from a friend. I hadn’t really talked to him in a while but I smiled when I saw his number pop up on my phone. As soon as I picked it up and heard his voice, I knew something was off about him. Come to find out, a girl just ended things with him. Now this wasn’t a relationship of any great length, but it was still an end. What shocked me about this conversation was not that the relationship ended (as shocking as that is since he is wonderful), but the reason she ended it — he didn’t make enough money for her.

He is a lot like me in the fact that we didn’t pick professions that resulted in big paychecks, we both picked careers in college that made us happy and had huge payouts in forms other than monetary. I understand how he feels better than most since in the really recent past, a guy did this to me. He didn’t respect, still doesn’t actually, my chosen career path since it notoriously is low paying. I was Ok with it since I knew going into the newspaper business wasn’t for money, it was for love. Before declaring my major in college, I always thought that girls going after guys with money was lazy, but it still hurts. I know the pain he is feeling today.

It did get me thinking, is this what we now base future partners on? Is it going to become standard procedure to bring a bank statement on first dates? Will the love you have for a certain career matter at all? You devote your life to a nonprofit and making dreams come true but you don’t get happily ever after with a love because you aren’t wealthy. It is quite sickening to me. If that is the case, single life forever for me.

I totally understand the need for security, especially if children are involved, but how much emphasis on money is enough? Will having the fanciest toys really matter if you are not happy? Of course I like nice things, hello I collect Barbies, but I also seek happiness. I seek love. If money is the end goal in every decision you make, then I feel really bad for you. You are missing out on the great things that money can’t buy. And like I told my friend, someone that only wants the things money can buy really isn’t someone you want to be around any way. Yes we all have these people in our life, but we control just how much they are in our world.

Talking about money in relation to Laura Bush can be laughable since she has more money than she ever could spend. But she didn’t always. She didn’t grow up wealthy nor did she grow up poor. Her family worked hard for everything they had and seemed to always be happy. Even when she married the future President of the United States, they weren’t instantly rolling in it. Oil business is tough and so is the political trail. But no matter how much money she has, she is still kind to everyone. I can’t fathom her ever turning her back on someone because they were poor in society’s eyes. It is easy for me to say this since I am not wealthy, but if I wake up tomorrow with all the money in the world, I would like to think I would still have the class she demonstrates on a daily basis.

Judge the person, not the wallet. What would Laura Bush do?

Laughter

“So anytime somebody needs you, don't let them down. Although it grieves you, someday you’ll need someone like they do, looking for what you knew,” Friends, Led Zeppelin

If you are lucky, you will have that one friend that no matter what is going on will make you laugh. I am blessed to have just this friend. A friend that understands my particular brand of crazy like no other. The friend that can talk me down when I am going off the rails, pull me up when I am just too much in my own head, and bring me back all with laughter.

I met this friend in high school art class. Not sure why exactly I was in art since drawing is not my talent, although I do draw a mean stick figure. Come to find out, she wasn’t too keen on seeing me in that class. She told me years later that when I walked in she thought “Oh god, Kitt is in this class, she is so stuck up.” Funny how small towns work, she had already heard untrue things about me. I sat down at the table she was at, nervous since I didn’t know anyone, and struck up a conversation with her. Well within minutes we were friends and everything we thought we knew about each other was proved wrong. Pays to let people make their own conclusions about others, remember that. Through high school and into college, go Blue Hens, we remained close. I introduced her to my world and she did the same for me. Boy do we have some stories.

After college we went separate ways and grew apart. It was no one’s fault, it just happened. We were young, figuring out our way in this world, and we just didn’t see each other as much. We always deeply cared for each other, but we had separate lives.

Fast forward to a couple years ago when I receive a phone call from her. As soon as we started talking, the friendship was back. That call lasted hours and we have been close ever since. We filled each other in on our lives and started regularly hanging out. There was no need to bring up the past and why we lost contact, it was no one’s fault. The era of our really long phone dates, that still continue to this day, was underway.

At that time she needed me. Things were not going her way and she was lost. We helped each other, we were there for each other the whole time laughing. We always had laughter, which indeed is the best medicine. Years pass and things improve. She meets a wonderful guy, gets married and begins her life. That new life resulted in her moving away but distance can’t break this bond.

We went through a rough patch last year, I hurt her, she hurt me, but the friendship was too strong to end. We worked it out, and back to new.

Jump to today, my life is in shambles. I am lost, scared and unsure. She was the first person I called and has been there for me ever since. She knows when I need to laugh, comforts me when I cry, and supports any crazy idea I may come up with. She sees me in a way I don’t see myself and always senses when I need to hear from her. Always the right thing to say.

This is by no means a dig to anyone in my life, I have the same love for you as I do her but every friend has that one thing special thing they bring to the friendship. Some bring history. Some bring blood. Some bring kindness. Some bring support. She brings laughter.

What does this friendship have to do with Laura Bush? Well I think no one else in this world sees the good in people more than Laura Bush. She knows which relationships are worth keeping, and which ones are not. She believes in everyone the way this friend believes in me. If you are lucky, find this person and hold on to them, you will need each other someday. What would Laura Bush do?

Peace

“I'm beginning to notice how much this feels like a waking limb...pins and needles,” Nice to Know You, Incubus

Today was the first day in a long time that I woke up feeling like myself, feeling like I was going to be Ok. It wasn’t one thing in particular that happened, just a bunch of little things that added up to me feeling this way. Don’t get me wrong, I am still pretty terrified of what is going to become of me, but I have made peace with it for now. Making peace with it won’t be easy, but it is needed. Finding that peace has come in a simple form, people’s reaction to what I am doing with my life.  

Once I explain that for the first time in my life I am putting myself first and following MY dreams, someone’s reaction speaks volumes. If you understand and support me, that’s great. If you show judgment, or worse some stupid emoticon after a text, well I am sorry that you don’t understand, but that’s on you. I took a risk earlier this year and it was the wrong decision, but it brought me here. It brought me back to my keyboard, back to my thoughts, and back to myself. How can you judge that?

I totally understand that me claiming to be a writer can cause skepticism in many since yes, it may never actually happen for me, but that doesn’t mean you are free to laugh about it. Don’t just say you are supportive, but show it. Actions speak louder than words.

Laura Bush knows who she is, where she wants to be, and I am striving to have that same confidence. One step at a time. First comes peace with my future going forward. Next will be finding my confidence, something I have always struggled with. But for today, I am Ok with just having peace. What would Laura Bush do?

Just Breathe

“Oh I’m a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love…Some folks just got one, yeah, others, they got none, huh-uh” — Just Breathe, Pearl Jam

My apologies to my two fans for not posting yesterday. So what should I write today? I guess I could write about my blow dryer dying on me this morning. Go the whole, I can’t win, everything sucks, yada yada yada route. But nah, not today. Instead I will be writing about my love of music.

An amazing friend suggested last week that I should begin all my blogs with a music lyric, so that is what I shall do. To me, music is my oxygen. I can’t live without it. Music is there for me when no one else is. If I am feeling alone, I just have to turn on music and there are all my friends. I am pretty sure that Laura Bush and I probably don’t exactly have the same taste in music. But who am I to assume? Maybe she likes to get the Led out as much as me.

Even if I don’t share the same musical taste as my idol, I am sure she still has something she counts on when everything else is failing her. We both have friends and family, but sometimes you don’t need someone, but something. When I start to get down or can’t find the motivation, I grab my headphones, turn on my iPod and get lost in the musical genius of such favorites as Pete Townshend, Eddie Vedder, Jimmy Page, Keith Richards or Jimi. I can always find a song that at any given moment in my life can get me through. Whether it be Incubus’ “Miss You,” Guess Who’s “American Woman,” or anything by Kenny Loggins, music never disappoints. Music speaks to me like nothing else does. Live music above all keeps me going. If I have a concert coming up I know my life will be Ok.

It may sound simple to some, but that is me. Music is the blood that flows through me and reassures me that it will be Ok. Nothing excites me or angers me more than music. When I love a band, I love them with all my heart. I will respect anyone’s musical likes and dislikes, but I don’t have to agree with them. I think that respect, as long as it’s mutual, is very Laura Bush. A life in the public eye means not always having the world agree with you, but she always handled it with class. She stood up for herself when she needed to and also knew when to take the high road.

As unsure as I may be, I am going to start my day with music and just power through. What would Laura Bush do?

Directionless

Well I made it 5 days with something to write, well blog, and on day six I am drawing a blank. What do I want to say today? Even after a nice run this morning, still not sure. What would Laura Bush do? Well I am not exactly sure what she would do, but I will just sit down at my laptop and wait for the words to come.

In my quest to end my writer’s block I began to think about the people in my life. Everyone currently starring in a feature role is there for a reason, to help or hurt. Those there to help know how I feel about them — you all rock. Those there to hurt I must ask, what is the lesson you are to teach me? Is it to show me that I can be kicked while down and still get up or is it to show me how I don’t want to be. I am sure it is somewhere in between. It is that in between that brings the most questions.

What about that person that in their head thinks they are a positive in your life, but when you stop to evaluate really has brought you nothing but disappointment. How would Laura Bush handle these people when just walking away isn’t an option? These are the people I am deciding on now whether to keep or just cut out. The people that to everyone else are wonderful but you see another side. Now it could just be me seeing things differently or they could just be really good at being fake. How many chances to upset you before you have enough?

We all have that person for one reason or another you don’t particularly get along with but others think is great. It happens. In those situations, I just remain quiet and classy. But the people that you were once close to but throughout the years you grew apart. Life goes in different directions. Success comes and goes, people change. When do you stop trying to make it work? When do you realize that you can no longer drop everything to be there for them when history proves they don’t do the same for you? These are questions I must begin to answer in my life. Letting some people go will be difficult, but it might just make me feel better in the end.

There may be no clear direction to today’s post, it was bound to happen. Not every day calls for Laura Bush or has a clear directive. This won’t be the last directionless blog. There may not be a clear direction for today, but as I continue my day I will still ask…What would Laura Bush do?  

Taylor Swift’s influence

I am not a fan of Taylor Swift’s music, or any pop music masquerading as country, but I get her. If people wanted her to write nicer about them, then they should have treated her better. This blog is not a debate about Taylor Swift or her relationships, I am sure she isn’t perfect either, but about her honesty. For such a young artist, she has learned early what many still struggle with — telling the truth.

As I push forward with this blog I must decide just how much I will spill to the world. Will I be like Taylor Swift and just tell everyone everything or be more reserved? Of course deeply private events in my life and the lives around me will be off limits, but this blog is about me. I have trouble not holding it all in. I have trouble saying how I feel or what I want. My fear of rejection is strong and gets in the way often. So what would Laura Bush do?

I think Laura Bush would be honest. No names, but honest. If this blog was created to help me find my way in this crazy world, then yes I will have to put it all out there. Judgment be gone, this is me.

If you are worried about future entries, then that is on you. You should treat people better. Never will I say anything untrue, but it will be from my perspective. I may see something differently but that is why they make chocolate and vanilla. And not being a mean spirited person, never will my blog just be one big venting session laying all your business out there. That serves no purpose and gets me nowhere. Nobody likes a bitter, jaded person. However, if a situation presents itself that demonstrates how I took the Laura Bush route, then it is fair game.

So as I stop and think about upcoming topics, I will ask “what would Laura Bush do” and whether I should really write about one thing or another. I will make mistakes, but I will continue in my quest to open up more. What would Laura Bush do?

Winners and losers

The world is filled with winners and losers. Not just in competitive events, but in life. Some are much deserved. You work hard, you play nice, rewards galore. You are lazy and mean, karma can be a bitch. Such winners and losers are easy to point to and know why they are where they are. Others, well not so easily noticed. I for one am a loser. No, I am not saying that for an ego boost or to hear why I am not a loser. I am saying that since at this juncture in my life, I am losing. Of course I win at some things, hell I am a marathon runner, but lately I am more on the losing side. It happens. It would be easy for me to let it destroy me, but is that what Laura Bush would do?

I made peace years ago how some people in my life think of me as a way to feel better about themselves and their life. Things are going poorly for me, but hey at least I am not Kitt who isn’t married and doesn’t have kids. I know I am put on that pedestal for others to always go to when perhaps there is something wrong in their life. I just go with it, what’s the point? I have cut some of these people out of my life but unfortunately others will always be a part of it. It is true that I am not married nor do I have kids, but what is also true is the fact that I refuse to settle. I may someday settle down, but I will never settle. And with the exception of one person, everyone that has been in my life would have been settling.

How do I spot these people? Well if you never have anything positive to say to me or make every conversation about you, then yes, I will just sit there and listen and not bother commenting. It has gotten to the point that once it was realized that trying to make me get down an aisle wasn’t really working, they would go so far as to get on me about being too thin. Yes I am thin, but I also run marathons. You are so unhappy with your appearance that you want to be a hypocrite about mine, go train and run a marathon and watch what happens.

When these people start to belittle me, what would Laura Bush do? Would she defend herself or would she walk away? I would like to think it would be a combination of both. Some comments don’t warrant a response. Something said that is mean calls for no reaction. But when does me defending myself become the correct answer? And how many times do you try before realizing that this person will never change? That this person will always be judgmental no matter what you say or do.

Now what about when someone close to you is a winner? Can a loser discuss being a loser with a winner? Will they be able to be there for you without giving you the stock, boring “it will get better” response. The “think positive” line and all will work out. Umm, sure but where has that gotten me lately? I have devised a plan to know which winner is interested and which one is not. It’s an easy one…simply ask when you last heard from them and whether it was about them. If you sporadically hear from them, maybe not go to them. They can say they are there to listen, but have they shown you any action to believe that? The justification that they were giving you space doesn’t work. It takes very little to send a “How are you” text. If you don’t feel like texting back, fine, no harm no foul. Also, think of the past. How many times have you tried to talk with them and nothing? Those that matter will make time for you, regardless.

That friend that goes so far as to announce to the social media world how she feels about you. Now that person there is the one to talk to. Winner or loser, they will be there for you. They will put you first and most importantly, they will listen. Find that person, they are worth keeping. What would Laura Bush do?

Change someone's day

Everyone has a horror story when it comes to visiting any sort of governmental or state agency. It may not have happened to you personally, but you know it. Whether it be the DMV, Social Security, Department of Labor, whatever, the stories are there. The stories keep people from going to the places and when there is no option, they complain. Well yesterday I had to visit one such agency. I was not looking forward to it AT ALL.

Well when I get there, drenched from the rain (annoyed my sunglasses were wet and I forgot my cloth), I signed in, took my number, and prepared to be there for the long haul. After getting yelled at for being on my phone, which I still stand by the fact the sign said phones must be on vibrate, not that I could not be on it, I just looked around, watched people, and prayed it be over soon. There was one employee that I was dreading calling my number, she seemed tough. Well my number was called and so it begins.

I handed over my paper work and prepared to be annoyed or worse, to cry from frustration. Much to my surprise, the woman was awesome! Oh my goodness was she great. We laughed, we chatted, and I was at ease. She changed my whole attitude with her kindness.

Well what would Laura Bush do? Well she would tell this woman how great she is. And that is just what I did.  After everything was over, I turned to her and told her exactly how great she was. The look on her face when I said it is a look I will always remember. She formed the biggest smile and the appreciation shined through her. I have the feeling that most people go in there skeptical, guilty as charged, and never change their tune. All the kindness in the world can’t change some people.

I am not saying I would not have thanked her regardless of Laura Bush, but I know Laura Bush would have expressed her gratitude. In everything Laura Bush seemed to be a part of, she was gracious. She has everything a person could need and want, and she is still gracious. In her life married to a politician, she had events and places she attended that I am sure she dreaded, but never did it show. She treats every event and person the same. From a Prime Minister to a Veteran, from a state dinner to a barbecue, same class and respect.

There is truth to the whole quote of being nice since everyone is fighting a harder battle. Like I always say, there are better people worse off. Or my other saying, just be nice since no one likes an asshole. My thanking her may not have changed the outcome of the process I was there for, but it sure changed her day for the better.

So when that friend annoys you, that car cuts you off, the store doesn’t have what you need, etc., stop, take a breath and ask What Would Laura Bush Do? The outcome may just surprise you.  

Ending friendships

Once we reach a certain age, we gain and lose friends. You only need a small number of true, close friends and the rest are just decoration. Some friendships just run their course and fade away through no fault of either party. I accept this fact, part of life. What I am having trouble with is deciding when it is time to walk away from someone. When is enough enough? When do you stop putting up with not being treated the same way as you would treat others? I wonder, how does Laura Bush handle this?

Ending some relationships is easy, no brainer. Judgmental friends, who needs them? Oh you like to discuss the fact that I still drive a 14 year old car? Oh well watch me drive away from you in it. Oh you don’t respect my aspirations of being a writer? Well, screw you. Walking away from these people is easy. But what about when the friendship has survived thus far for a long time? How long is too long to wait for change?

I have been accused of being many things in my life, but being a bad friend is not one of them. I am fully aware that always putting others first has hurt me in the past, friendship-wise, but I am ok with that…until now. I always strive to see the good in people, but recent events have started me questioning if people deserve this from me. If you know that I am going through a hard time and bail on me, when is it Ok to forgive you? Legit reason, of course. But repeatedly disappointing me? Am I free to walk away? If I don’t hear from you for days, do I respond when I finally hear from you? What if what I hear from you is all about you, or worse, needing something from me? How do I know it’s time to say goodbye? And if I decide to walk away, do I get closure? Do I just cut you off or do I try to work it out?   

In Laura Bush’s life in the public eye, no doubt she had hangers-on and fake friends. Easily noticed, easily forgotten. But when there was no love for her husband as commander in chief and the news was negative, how did she know what friends to turn to and which ones to forget? Did she call that friend she was once so close to but hadn’t spoken to in a while or did she call that constant, always encouraging friend? I would like to think it was the second one. That friend she could break down to on a daily basis, let’s say every Thursday, and know that she was in the company of a great friendship. That no matter what was going on in her life, she made time for you. She heard you out. She hugged you. She made you know it was going to be Ok.

As I write this (yep, fully aware I need to change my policy of never proof reading my own work, I am trying), I am still cutting some of the negativity out of my life. Some people I just walked away from, good riddance. Others I am having trouble with. This is how I am handling those like Laura Bush would. First offense, it happens. Hell, I am far from perfect and have disappointed friends in the past. Second offense, well that depends on the severity of what you did. Something small with a valid, truthful reason…You remain on my Hallmark list. You completely screw me over, well sorry no Hallmark for you. Forgiveness? Well that depends on you. You make it up to me with actions, we are good to go. You make it worse, well goodbye. How is this Laura Bush you ask? It is LB because intelligent people know when to walk away. It is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of putting yourself first. Human beings don’t deserve to be hurt by anyone, especially friends.

Now for me this is easier said than done. I do not like confrontations, in fact it scares the hell out of me. I sometimes forgive solely because of that crippling fear. Also, according to more than one person in my life, my faith in people far outweighs my common sense. I want to believe them, so I do. From this day forward, however, it is all about What Would Laura Bush Do? If I think she would say enough, I will say enough. You want to treat me like an option, I will walk away like a choice. But being Laura Bush, I will walk away like a lady. I will not make a scene, I will not say anything mean, I will not make an ass out of either of us. I will simply turn and walk away with my head held high like classy people do. The only opinion of me that matters is my own. And well of course, Laura Bush’s.

Remember to always ask…What Would Laura Bush Do?  

And so it begins…

It is said that if you do good things, good things will happen for you. This may be the case for many, but it is not the case for me lately. For every step forward I take, life pushes me back three steps. In almost every aspect of my life, I just can’t seem to catch a break. I believe that one should always be kind no matter the circumstances, but trust me when I say that that belief has been tested in me all of my life. Life can’t always be a bed of roses and sunshine, but it also needs to give you hope. Hope is not on my side as I write this, but as you read more, you will see what I plan to do about it. When I get to be that “woe is me” person, I ask you to call me out. I need to hear it, no one wants to be that person. Well, some people I know do, but not this girl.

Today I started the first day of the rest of my life directionless topped off with receiving a text message about yet another thing I have disappointed someone in. After letting the pain and hurt sink in, I asked myself the one question I always ask when things are tough…What Would Laura Bush Do?

Laura Bush inspires me in all that I do. When I get knocked down, I look to her to show me what grace, kindness and integrity is all about. Laura Bush is the epitome of class and no matter what, I strive to achieve such class. I may not always reach it, but damn if I don’t try.

Someone who means the world to me suggested a blog, so here it is. She above anyone else knows that luck has not been on my side. That being said, she knows that if I can reach one person struggling in this world like me, and show them that you can always get back up, that is all I need. My life may come with disaster tape around it, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t turn it around as an example to a reader questioning how many times they can be knocked down before they stay down.

Being an extremely private person, this blog is going to be hard, but in the end, worth it. I will open up about the shit storm surrounding me sometimes and show how by channeling Laura Bush, I handle it with class. Opening up to the world means that I will have to discuss people around me, but I don’t believe in being hurtful. I believe in being truthful. If feelings get hurt, I ask that first you ask if what I said was untruthful. If it wasn’t, then it is on you. No real names will be given and no personal details shared that are not essential to get my point across.

This blog will also not be all negative, I have good in my life and love sharing it, but even the good times call for Laura Bush.

I fail, you will fail, but I learn from everything. And so begins my entrance into the world of blogs. What Would Laura Bush Do?