Speaking up

“I don’t know but I been told, the world outside is oh so cold,” Don’t Gotta Work It Out, Fitz and the Tantrums

Today is one of those days where the weather is unbelievably crappy and it just makes you want to stay in bed and be lost in your own thoughts. That was me this morning, but I forced myself to get up and go to Yoga class. So instead of being lost in my own thoughts in bed, I was lost in my own thoughts in Yoga.

The thought and/or question I kept thinking about was when do you speak up and when do you walk away? When do you throw caution to the wind and just say everything you want to someone. When do you just finally lay it all out there and for lack of a better phrase, go off. I am the type of person that usually just either walks away or stays quiet to avoid conformation. My fear of rejection is crippling so that is reason No. 1 that I don’t speak up.

Oh I speak my mind when it comes to things like music, movies, politics, current events, but when it comes to myself — nope, never. Thanks to some wise guidance from afar (and by afar, I mean Pennsylvania), I have gotten better at this, but I still have a long way to go. Why is it that when someone wants to make things real, put it all out there, fear stops it? Rejection sucks, but you can get over it. It may take a while, but you can. So why does this stop me in my tracks? I can’t speak for why others don’t speak up, but I can notice it in myself.

Is knowing something isn’t going to go the way you want a reason to not try? To not be honest? Well is it? If you know this, should you walk away and just deal with the disappointment or just go for it? My track record with taking risks is not good, so should I stop? Or knowing that it can’t get any worse be reason to just say “fuck it” and go for it?

Or do I just run? Run away from confrontation, away from feelings, and away from life? Apparently according to others I am a runner literally and figuratively. Should I just stick to that even though thus far the results aren’t stellar?  

So what would Laura Bush do? Would she go for it or walk away? I don’t expect to have those answers today, but I do expect this blog to help me find them. This issue will probably be an underlining theme to many blog posts, and that’s Ok. I will never have all the answers, but I can get some by simply asking, what would Laura Bush do?

Editor’s Note: Music is important to me. It might be most important. I will start almost all my blogs with a lyric, but that doesn’t mean that particular lyric goes with the day’s post or my mood. It might just be the song I am currently listening to and nothing more. Some will fit perfectly with my entry, but if it doesn’t, if it can introduce a certain song, artist or band to a reader that’s even better!