Months ago when talking to a friend of mine about
the new Pearl Jam album (oh yes, we went total super fans), he said something
to me regarding a certain song on the album. “I don’t know when you crossed
paths with Eddie Vedder, but Lightning Bolt is so about you.” I listened to the
lyrics, and nope didn’t get it. I still have no idea why he said this
particular song could be about me. I went along with him since he knows pretty
much everything about me — everything. Another friend agreed after I told her,
but I still don’t see it. He mentioned it again the other day so it got me
thinking, why is it that people see you differently than you see yourself. Why
is it that some people viewed as great you view as a jerk, and vice versa. When
do you start to see yourself the way others do? Good or bad.
I am a firm believer that the only opinion that
matters is how you feel about yourself. But what if you don’t view yourself in
a good light and others do? What about when others view you negatively? As much
as you shouldn’t listen to others, you always will. Yeah you can brush it off
but you still eventually will think about it.
Today I was having a very low day, just not in the
best place. Immediately a best friend picked up on this and called for a phone
date. This girl knows me better than I know myself sometimes. She knows what to
say. She picked me up. She helped me feel better. It wasn’t just a call to feed
my ego, it was a call to help me. She is always honest with me. Never hurtful,
just honest. What she says I know is true, I know is right. I struggle with
viewing myself the way she does, she knows this, but even knowing that she
makes me feel better.
So how does one begin to see themselves the way
others do? When should they? There will always be those examples of people you
know that everyone else just loves and you are like “Eh, they really suck.”
That is just the way of the world. Those people don’t matter. Even if they view
you poorly, it doesn’t mean it is true. Those that truly see the good in you
matter. As much as I try to see the good in everyone, sometimes there just
isn’t any to see. But I know there is good in me. How do I start to see it? How
do I start to believe it? People can tell me this until they are blue in the
face, but I need to believe it.
A recent run of bad luck and disappoint isn’t
helping. Those closest to me that send me daily text messages help, but it
still comes down to me. It is still me that in the end has to be strong, has to
keep getting up. I have people in my corner cheering for me and against me.
Those that want to see me fail. Those that want me hurt. But I know the ones
cheering for me will far outweigh anyone against me. It is when you are your
lowest that you realize who truly does care about you. You may be surprised to
learn that some that claim they do really don’t. Their actions prove it. And
you know what? Who cares about those people? I don’t have to really be a part
of their life any more. Actions speak louder than words.
So in this rambling of a blog post I must ask, what
would Laura Bush do? How would she start to see herself the way others do,
others like me? I don’t even know if she ever has doubts. Does she see herself
as I do? Does she ever worry about not being good? Well if she does, she never
shows it. She never waivers in her strength and class. She always smiles.
So as I struggle I will try to live up to her
example. I will try to show the world that I am good. That I am enough. It will
be a daily struggle and I will fail. But when I do fail, I will dust myself
off, look in the mirror and ask — What would Laura Bush do?
Hear “Lightning Bolt” here.
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