It’s exhausting being me. Now before you roll your
eyes at that statement, this is not going to be one of those “woe is me” posts
that are really just a fishing expedition for compliments. It is simply a
statement that I will explain.
A burden that I have always carried is that I always
try to see the good in people. Regardless of how this may bite me in the ass, I
always try to see the good. It is tough. It is exhausting.
This past week either I or those close to me have
experienced some shit from others and I am starting to think that perhaps there
is no good in some people. I am starting to think that selfishness is becoming
the norm. I am exhausted.
A fear of mine is becoming bitter and/or jaded. I
wear blinders sometimes, but that is because I want to see the good, not the
bad. People hurt me and I am sure I have hurt people. I am not perfect, but I
am kind. But is starting to doubt the good in people kind? Can I doubt the good
in people and still consider myself kind?
As exhausted as I may be, as hurt as I may be, as
sad as some of my friends are, as bad as it, you know what? I still want to be
me. The more I write this post, the more I realize that this is a burden I am willing
to continue to shoulder. I don’t want to be anyone else.
As stressed as I get having to be everything to
everyone, to be at everything I am invited to, to be there for everyone that
needs me, I am happy to be that person. Yes, I am tired. I don’t deny that it
can get old. But what if I am the only one giving someone hope? Why would I
take that away from another person? Whether it is just drinks my presence is
requested at, or a friend going through heartbreak, I will answer the call.
Tonight when I was out with my family I was asked a
question that really was the foundation of this post. My friend looked at me
and said, “they clearly don’t deserve you and definitely not your kindness, why
do you do it?” I just smiled and responded, “you will never give me a good
enough reason to not be kind.”
Yes I can be difficult. I can reach my limit. I can
give you attitude. But at the end of the day, I am Ok with that because never am
I cruel. Never am I not asking, what would Laura Bush do?
People lately have gone against my belief system. I have seen the bad in them, and not the good. It has been tough. But no matter how
tough, I am trying to show them how class works. I am showing them that integrity
does exist. I am showing them that no matter what they come at me with, I will
still be nice. I think the world needs more of it. I think I need more of it,
too.
This post is a little all over the place. It may not
make sense. It may be scattered. But so am I. I am going to wake up tomorrow to
a new day. I am going to put on my armor in the form of a smile. I am going to
greet the world ready to deflect all the negativity. I am going to be kind. I
am going to believe in the good in people. I am going to ask, what would Laura
Bush do?
Author’s Note: I love the Black Crowes. I am sure I
have used this song in the past, but when I heard it tonight it had another
meaning. It was a reassurance that I must continue to be there when needed. I
must continue to be me.
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